I am Inadequate

Standard

I am Inadequate. 

As a teacher, a writer, a friend, a husband, a father, a Christian, a son, and a brother. I will never live up to the standards the world has set up for me. I’ll never look like Channing Tatum. Shoot, I’ll never look like Jonah Hill for that matter. Even Charles Barkley has outdone me in terms of weight loss. 

I waste time like nobody’s business. Candy Crush? Oh yeah…totally killed that game. Until it stopped me on Level 275. Bejeweled Blitz is my weakness right now. I got time for a one-minute game…and then it turns into 5 and then 10. Television sucks me in and suddenly I’ve wasted an hour sitting watching something I really didn’t care about. 

I purposefully limit TV shows I record on my DVR and I have intentionally NOT subscribed to Netflix. I know I could burn through seasons of a TV series in a few days’ time, so I stay away. 

I am Inadequate. 

I’m a pretty good teacher. My last few evaluations have come back with some pretty good marks, but at the same time, I know of my weaknesses. I am great teaching out of a book. I am not great with classroom conversations. 

As a writer, I wish I had the ability to weave words like others. I find myself reading certain books and becoming jealous of the amazing writing ability of other writers. Why can’t I write like that? 

I am Inadequate. 

As a child, my family moved around a few times. I was lucky enough to experience life in a few different places in this great nation, but at the same time, I left friends behind. Friends I never got back. Facebook and email didn’t exist then. I didn’t call. I didn’t write letters. I lost those friends. Even years later when I met up with them again, there was something gone. Something missing. I failed as a friend. 

I am Inadequate. 

I live in an area now where a lot of the people I know have family nearby. My best friend lives across the street from his parents. (like Everybody Loves Raymond. Seriously.) Another friend has his grandmother at his house nearly every day. The closest family member to me is almost 6 hours away. I sometimes don’t call my mother for weeks at a time and the time between calls for my brothers and sister can be even longer. 

I am Inadequate. 

Everyday on Facebook, I find links to blogs for “simple solutions” and “life hacks” to make your life a better place. I see recipes and parenting blogs. Recipes I can’t possibly master and parenting advice I probably won’t remember when the time is right. Every link is a link to make your life better. A link to your perfect life. 

I am Inadequate. 

…But that’s Okay. Life is full of inadequacies. Life is full of failure. We shouldn’t accept it, but we shouldn’t obsess about it, either. 

I came to the conclusion long ago that I wouldn’t ever be a master carpenter. I would love to fix plumbing and carpentry problems myself, but I just can’t. It isn’t a failure on my part, as much as HGTV and Bob Vila would make me think so. I could be the best teacher in all of Southern Illinois, but I wouldn’t be married for long. I wouldn’t have a family because I would spend all my free time consumed with the desire to be the best teacher I could possibly be. I’m a good teacher and that’s got to be good enough. 

I am Inadequate and that is just fine. I can’t possibly be perfect in all phases of life, but I can be the best person I can be. It might mean failing from time to time. It might mean admitting I can’t do something. But, getting up each day, aware of those failures and striving to overcome them is the goal. Being the best teacher…the best writer…the best father, brother, husband, son…all key to accepting my inadequacies and moving forward. 

When I go to bed each night, I take with me the failures and regrets of each day. I could have spent a few more minutes editing my book…writing a lesson plan…cooking supper…paying attention to my wife and children. What I do with that regret is to put it to bed with me and let it go. When I wake up the next day, that regret has slithered off into the hole it belongs in. I have enough regret and failures tomorrow. 

I am Inadequate. And that’s just fine. 

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6 thoughts on “I am Inadequate

  1. I have learned this…when I am most inadequate, God takes over and shows how adequate and powerful He is. Sometimes it’s best to stay out of the way and simply let His adequacy shine 🙂

  2. MichelleT

    Will-have you ever thought about writing a book (self-help) on “I Am Inadequate” ??? You know of which you speak!!! And how being a christian has helped you with this?

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